


A Million Shards Of Glass (When All Hope Begins To Shatter)

by FairyQueen (etoilecourageuse)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Arguing, Canonical Character Death, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Psychological Torture, Second War with Voldemort, Torture, Wartime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:04:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5437700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/FairyQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In times of war, Andromeda and Ted are desperate to find strength within one another, as each day they spend together could be their last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Million Shards Of Glass (When All Hope Begins To Shatter)

They hadn’t spoken for days. Days… Perhaps it had been days, perhaps weeks… She could not care less how long it had been, longed so despairingly to reach out to him, to look at him, only to look at him… But no. They hadn’t spoken for days. 

Andromeda had no memory of their argument; she had no memory, no _true_ memory of what had happened that had caused her to turn her back to her husband in rage and to lock herself into her bedroom until the morrow, her cheeks moistened by tears. She had no memory… 

Perhaps it was for the best, to ban any remembrances from her mind; perhaps it was for the best to forget, and to not look back at what had happened, what had been spoken, what had been done… Perhaps it all was for the best, and yet… Yet they had not spoken for days. 

Her husband scarcely deigned to look at her, and she, too, attempted to avoid his gaze, a weary sigh escaping from her lips in moments her desire to reconcile grew beyond her endurance. 

Only once before had they argued in such a way, only once before, when Ted had asked her for her hand, fully aware that it was impossible, that they couldn’t… How desperate had she been to accept, how desperate had she been to smile, to laugh with joy and to accept, to wrap her arms about his body for an eternal embrace… But instead anger had taken hold of her, anger at his folly, anger at the excitement that glistened within his eyes, anger at his naivety. 

How could they possibly…? How could he possibly believe that…? How? It had been so beautiful… Their time together had been so beautiful, had made her so happy, so beyond happy, happier than she had ever been in her life… But how could they possibly assume that they had a chance, that they had a future? Countless nights Andromeda had cried herself to sleep, muffling her sobs with her pillow and nearly choking, had only then slowly drifted into dreams so beautiful but yet so painful for they had been of their future, their future together… A future that did not exist. 

Why couldn’t he see? Why couldn’t he see that her family would never allow such a thing to happen, why couldn’t he see that if…? Even if she were to run away, even if she were to betray her mother, her sisters… She would never find peace, never at all, knew that Bellatrix would haunt her until one day she… Impossible. Impossible! But she felt trapped, so trapped in her own home, could not stand to stay, could not stand it! She couldn’t… Of course she loved them, of course she loved her family… And yet she could no longer bear to be apart from him, could no longer bear to be apart from the man she loved so beyond words… 

How angry she had been at his proposal, how desperate to accept… And how fiercely they had argued, yelling at each other as they had never yelled before until Andromeda had put an end to this farce, until she had turned around and left, left with the intention to never to look at him again… 

How many tears she had shed… And yet… Yet she had made a decision, a decision so dangerous, so reckless… A decision she would never regret. 

It had not been until two weeks later that they had reconciled, in silence, as Ted had understood immediately. Andromeda had needed only to look at him, to look so deeply into his eyes and to nod to cause him to realise… She accepted. She had accepted his proposal at last, making them both the happiest people on this earth. 

Now, though, they once again had not spoken for days. They had not spoken for days and only slowly Andromeda began to realise, only slowly she began to remember, to understand… Of course. How could she have forgotten? How could she possibly have forgotten when it was so important, so beyond important, when…? Had it been self-protection, when her greatest fear appeared to come true? Had it been nothing but self-protection to allow her mind to drift, and to…? 

He wanted to leave. Ted wanted to leave, wanted to leave her behind and once more escape, escape from the war, from… There was no escaping from the war. 

“Dromeda,” he’d said after they had been fighting for what seemed like hours, speaking to her as though she were a child, incapable of understanding the meaning of his words. But of course she understood… And it was ridiculous, ridiculous! “You will be safe without me. They know who you are, they won’t come after you any longer once I’m gone.”

Ridiculous… Ridiculous! Andromeda had nearly begun to scream, to yell once more at him, but no. No, she would not yell any more, lacked the strength and the will. He wanted to leave… To leave, for her… But couldn’t he see? Couldn’t he see that only with her he was safe, truly, that only by her side…? If he left, if he left, truly, if he were caught… She was his only chance! Why should she care if they were to invade her home over and over, why should she care if they were to torture her if only she knew that he was safe? Why should she care about herself, why should she care at all? She was his only chance… His only chance! And yet… Yet, he was the one who did not understand. Who did not seem to want to understand. 

They had not spoken for days, too stubborn, too proud to take the first step, perhaps too hurt by the unspoken reproaches of selfishness… They had not spoken for days. This was not the time to argue, they knew, knew so very well that they needed each other more than ever, knew so very well that arguing… And yet… What fools they were, both of them. 

Of course she missed him. Of course Andromeda missed her husband, missed their conversations, missed kissing him, tasting him, feeling his lips upon hers… Of course she missed him, but still… Still, she, too, refused to turn to him, to apologise, in the silent hope that he would come to his senses at last, and realise. She was his only chance...

*

They came for her after nightfall, once more intruding into her house nearly silently, once more overwhelming her before she had a chance to defend herself, or even to scream. They came for her after nightfall, paralysing her with a Body Binding Curse and pushing her onto a chair, their eyes glistening dangerously beneath the masks…

Ted. Andromeda knew they were looking for Ted, had not seen him since lunch and was so glad for it, so glad that he had decided to go out… Still, they had not reconciled, still they sat together in silence, a silence that seemed to tear her apart… Still, they appeared to be strangers to one another, not husband and wife. 

They were looking for Ted… A sudden panic took hold of her, overwhelming her with full force, causing her to gasp for breath… If only he wouldn’t return in this moment, if only he wouldn’t return in this moment for them to find him, not suspecting… If he would, if… 

At last she screamed, screamed as the Cruciatus Curse penetrated her body, as the dagger’s blade tore through her skin and her blood began to flow; Andromeda screamed in agony as one of the Death Eaters took her wrist, twisting it until it broke… She screamed, yet would not speak, would not surrender to them, would not betray those who trusted her… She would not surrender… 

Hours seemed to have passed as her sight began to blur, as their voices grew so distant… It had been the third time they had come to her, the third time they had savoured her pain yet never dared to seriously injure her, the third time she had kept her silence… She knew them, knew the faces hidden beneath those terrifying silver masks, had grown up with… She knew them, knew that amongst them was her sister, her own sister, her brother-in-law, and yet… Yet they were strangers to her, enemies. 

Her sister… Bellatrix… She was here, too, Andromeda could see her silhouette in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall and watching the scene before she, too, decided to step forward… Before she, too, decided to interfere… 

“Andy…” she whispered, tauntingly and so coldly, her voice full of disdain, full of hatred. How cruel she was… Her sister… Her own sister... “So this is what you have abandoned us for… A _Muggle_ house…”

Andromeda would have spat at her had she had the strength, but Bellatrix laughed, merely laughed as she continued to speak, to mock her… 

“I have tried for so long to find love in my heart to forgive you for your betrayal,” she murmured, fuelling her rage and yet torturing her, torturing her so… “But you? You just seem to become more and more hateful… What a pity that I am not allowed to end your pathetic little life right here… Not yet…”

Once more she laughed, flicking her wand and sending another curse through Andromeda’s body, a curse that nearly blinded her but also seemed to numb her, seemed to numb the agony for a moment… If only it would end… If only they would leave, if only… If only Ted would not return. But she would not surrender. She would never surrender. 

Relief spread inside of her as they let go of her at last, spitting insults into her face and murmuring words of disgrace; they would have killed her had it not been for her blood and the family she had abandoned, she knew, knew that they would have killed her gladly if only they could but could not care less, could not care less as she was so relieved, so beyond relieved… Ted was safe, safe for another day, perhaps for another week. He had not yet come home, they knew not where he was… He was safe. Once more she and he had triumphed. He was safe… 

Andromeda did not have the strength to keep her eyes open as she truly began to realise that she was alone, did not have the strength to fight any longer. This had been worse than anything she had ever experienced before, so much worse than anything they had done to her… Never before had they shed her blood. She did not have the strength to go on, to take even the few steps towards the couch and to endure the agony, the throbbing pain in her head, her limbs, to endure the light-headedness… She did not have the strength to go on, lost her balance as she attempted to walk, sinking to the ground unconscious. 

The next time she opened her eyes, she found herself no longer in the living room but in her bed, sunken deep into the pillows and dressed in her nightgown, her wounds cleansed and bandaged. Her husband was sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand holding hers with all the care in the world, the other gently dabbing her forehead with a warm, soft cloth. 

“Ted… My love…,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and weak, once more overwhelmed by a wave of pain, a wave of dizziness… Only faintly could she see him there, right beside her, only faintly could she make out his features… How soft they were… How concerned he looked… Ted… he was here… He was safe… 

So tenderly Ted placed a finger upon her lips, murmuring quiet words, words she did not understand and placing a kiss upon her brow, so softly, so lovingly… They had not spoken for days and yet, yet there was nothing but love in each of his movements, each of his actions… Such love… 

Sleep took Andromeda before she had a chance to refuse, before she had a chance to wonder whether he had instilled her a potion to grant her the rest she so desperately needed. Sleep took her despite her sudden burning desire to stay awake, awake for him, but perhaps it was for the best. In the morning, the majority of her wounds would be healed; in the morning, they would talk at last, reconcile at last. In the morning, everything would be all right. 

When she awoke, Ted was gone.

*

Gone… He was gone. Ted was gone, had left her in the moment she had believed for them to be reconciled at last, in the moment she had found such hope despite the pain, despite… But he was gone, had done what she had feared for so long and left, with no good-bye but a letter.

A letter… How she trembled, trembled with such rage that he had not even had the decency to bid his farewell, that he had left her behind in such a way, that he could have been cruel enough to… He was gone. Gone… 

Hadn’t she begged him to stay? When they had fought so fiercely about his plans, hadn’t she at some point begged him to stay, implored him to rethink his decision? Hadn’t she begged him not to leave her? 

Everything… She had given up everything for him, had betrayed her family for him… And now? Now he was betraying her, too? Now he was hurting her so beyond belief and doing what she had done? He was gone. 

A letter… A letter! Andromeda felt nauseous even at the thought… A letter! How dare he… After all they had been through together, after everything they had endured, after… How dare he! A letter. 

_You will be safe without me, they will never hurt you again. Do not worry; everything will be all right. I love you._

What a damned fool he was. What a damned fool he was if he truly believed for this to be true, if he was sincere… What a damned fool he was! 

Weeks passed but still her entire body began to shake with such despair when she thought of him, still she felt the desire to scream, to cry… Still she was furious, furious at the man she loved so beyond belief… Still… 

Once she had believed that together they would endure anything, that they would never be apart, in good times as in bad, but now? Now she did not know if she would ever be able to forgive him. Now she did not know if they would ever be united, if she would ever see him again… Now she was alone. 

For her protection… He had done it for her protection! What a fool he was… What a damned fool… She worried, worried so for him, was so afraid, afraid that one day she would receive the message she dreaded to receive, that one day he would be… Even at night she refused to turn off the radio, even at night she found herself wandering about the house, restless.

Of course she was angry, of course she was angry, so beyond angry… But she loved him. She loved him more than anything else, and the concern seemed to tear her apart. He had done it for her… What a fool he was! 

He would come to her in the rare moments she slept, would smile at her at first, reach out his arms for her, but then… Then his features would twist into a grotesque mask of fury in remembrance of their argument, their argument they had never fully recovered from. It was as though he were blaming her, as though it were her fault, as though all of this… 

But perhaps it was. Perhaps all of this was her fault, perhaps she had driven him away with her pride, perhaps… Her fault… He was in such danger and yet he had escaped from safety, had escaped for her protection… It was her fault… 

Weeks passed since he had left, since he had abandoned her so suddenly, leaving her behind drowning… Weeks passed and each moment was the same, full of rage at first, full of despair and worry, and then… Then, empty. 

Each moment was the same until one day... One day everything fell apart. 

Andromeda scarcely paid attention to the names announced in the radio that morning, was tired, exhausted from another sleepless night, another night full of concern, full of nightmares and spectres in the dark, made of worry and conjured by her weary mind for no other purpose than to torture her. She scarcely paid attention to the names, lifted her cup of tea to her mouth until so suddenly she froze, until so suddenly she felt as though invisible hands were choking her, suffocating her until all air had left her lungs… As so suddenly she heard what she had prayed, prayed to each deity in this world she had heard about, never to hear… 

“Ted Tonks.”


End file.
